I'm starting to reconsider some of the career choices I've made. It's starting to become increasingly clear that what I ought to have been is a big-shot trial lawyer. Sure, I may not have all those fancy diplomas from fancy law schools plastered all over the walls, but I've seen my share of "Law and Order" episodes, and what's more I have that one thing that any trial lawyer would give his habeus corpus for: a 100% success rate pleading my case before a judge!

As you may already know, I've been entangled in legal entanglements with my Crazy Ex Landlord for almost a year now. Oh, she's nuts alright, that's been well established! Well, today was the day that our little dispute came before the Franklin County Municipal Court, Small Claims Division, the Honorable Antonio Paat presiding, and today was the day I heard those sweetest of all words: "Judgement for the Plaintiff".

I must admit, I was quite nervous going into the courtroom. I mean, you know, you never know how these things will turn out. Sure, I had a briefcase packed with evidence, and not all of it made up. Cancelled checks! Postmarked envelopes! Sure, I had put on a tie and kind of combed my hair, and tried not to look so glassy-eyed and vacant. But the thing is, who knew what sort of stunt Isabella was going to pull? I mean, you knew she was going to pull something, given her manifest looniness, it just remained to be seen exactly what sort of unorthodox legal shenanigans she had in mind to short-circuit the Small Claims machinery.

Even though I was expecting something extreme, I really didn't expect she'd adopt the unprecedented strategy of NOT BOTHERING TO SHOW UP TO SAY A WORD IN HER OWN DEFENCE. Frankly, that didn't seem to be a winning strategy when it comes to impressing the Honorable Antonio Paat. In fact, he saw right through that ruse. A wise and perceptive man, he didn't even need to look at my collected bank statements, phone records and horoscopes to know that she was guilty as all hell.

With a mightily gavelled "Bang", Judge Paat pronounced me the victor of my litiginous contest! He informed me that I'd get a copy of the judgement in the mail in seven-to-ten days. Presumably, Isabella will also get a copy of the judgement in seven-to-ten days.

Which means that in seven-days-and-five-minutes to ten-days-and-five-minutes, I'll receive a phone call from an enraged- and completely mad- Crazy Ex Landlord.