Today in the mail I got tickets to see Yo La Tengo next month. As you can see from the accompanying picture, it appears that Yo La Tengo is the opening act, and furthermore the opening act for some outfit going under the name Girl Talk, of whom I have never even heard. I'm blessed with an open mind though, and I like Girls, and I like Talk, so Girl Talk- okay what the hell.

It did get me to musing though, about how lately all the shows I've been excited about seeing it's always the opening act which has caused the excitement. Last winter, for example, I went to go see Quintron, who was opening for some pack of losers called, if memory serves, the Black Keys or something- who all were, it should be noted, strikingly white in complexion whatever they liked to call themselves.

But it's kind of cool when it's the opening act that you're going to see, because generally speaking nobody else in the crowd is, so you are assured of a good spot right in front of the stage to jump around and make a fool of yourself. And then, after the set- when Quintron is standing forgotten and alone by his merch table, you can go and hang out with him, and make a fool of yourself all over again because you've had too much too drink. Also you can buy one of his CD's that you've never even heard of from the man himself: "Oh man! this is totally fucked up shit!" says Quintron- you assume that by "totally fucked up shit" he means that it's pretty good stuff indeed, and so you buy it. Turns out that, really, he meant "totally fucked up shit" in a literal sense. It is pretty much totally fucked up, and it is pretty much shit. Those are nine dollars I'll never see again. But it's worth it to hang out with a legend like Quintron and, like, slur your words.

A few years back I went to see Superchunk, opening for some pack of losers called the Get-Up Kids. I don't know why they called themselves "Get-Up", as their outfits didn't seem particularly outlandish by normal rock-star standards, but Superchunk rocked out as per usual. For those of you who don't know how much Superchunk usually rocks out, I ask you to contemplate how much a regular Chunk would rock out, and then to consider how much more a Superchunk would rock out; that will give you a pretty good idea.

But again, it was pretty much the same deal- here were legends- Superchunk, dammit!- and nobody in the crowd paid the slightest attention. I tell you, sometimes I despair for the future of our nation. Between sets I hung out with them- Jim Superchunk was pretty cool ("Hey man! Good to see you again!") although it was pretty clear he didn't know me from Adam. "Well look I gotta go home", I say, "I gotta work in the morning" (another benefit of being an Opening Act Groupie is that the hours are much more agreeable, that and no icky sex with the drummer). "Aw no" says Mac Superchunk. "You gotta stay and catch the Get Down Kids! They are awesome!" I'm like "Well you know I'd love to and all but really I gotta get up pretty early"

"That's cool" says Mac. "But still you oughta stick around for a song or two. After that, hell, they all kind of sound the same anyway. You heard one song you heard 'em all"