Well today I had lunch with my co-worker Brandon. He swore me to secrecy of course but I hardly expect that that should apply to posting shit on the Internet. See, Brandon- who does a lot of the technical stuff for the computers at work- was telling me about one of our fellow employees-a colleague, if you will- guy named Matt, a nice enough guy, you know, pleasant enough, a polite well-mannered young man. Now, I'm a bit vague on what exactly it is that Matt is supposed to be doing for the company, but I'm prepared to accept that whatever it is he that he is supposed to be doing is probably pretty dull stuff. At any rate, Matt has apparently decided (and I daresay he's probably correct on this) that whatever his legitimate work is it is nowhere near as interesting as watching hot girl-on-girl naked action on his computer all day long. Turns out that porno is just as close as the nearest Internet! Just imagine! And Matt has an Internet right there on his very computer! (And for the record, no, I don't think that watching sexy porno stuff is what they hired him to do.)

Now, I'm blessed with an open mind, so if a man wants to spend his workaday hours frequenting websites with names like tightteens dot com, more power to him, I say! It was personal initiative, and the refusal to toe the company line, that was the sort of thing that made America great, back in the days when America was great! But really, I think that if you're going to be doing this sort of thing at work, you might want to clear out the history page of your browser every now and again. Jeeze Louise! What a moron!! They totally busted him redhanded! Okay, well maybe not REDhanded, if you know what I mean (and I think you do) but he is totally busted and is going to stay busted!

We were absolutely howling away about it at lunch... I should say, Matt does live with his girlfriend... Possibly she's one of those rare females who finds it irritating when her boyfriend spends every waking hour ogling photos of women degraded to mere sexualized objects? Maybe his girlfriend's just not hot and/or lesbian enough for his liking? Whatever the case may be, obviously, she's so shrewish and tyrannical that she's browbeat Matt to such an extent that he only dares to indulge his perv fantasies at work. Instead of wasting his work time by screwing around looking at internet cartoons like everyone else.

Next Friday almost everyone is taking the day off because of the long weekend- myself included, by the way, I'm launching that day, be gone all weekend- and Friday afternoon it seems that Matt is the only person will be working in the office. So Dennis (whose pure mind, of course, is completely innocent of any notion of Matt's ... um .... preferred leisure activities) is asking "So nobody's working but Matt next Friday? what exactly do they think he's going to do here, all by himself??"

And Brandon looks at me and we lock eyes and it's about all either of us can do to not just completely bust up laughing...