Like most Americans, I was enthralled with the recent Wall Street bailout, which was all over the news, like, a while back. I'm sure you heard about it, it was the one where Congress decided to pony up wheelbarrows of cash to flush up a bunch of Wall Street fatcats who, together, have managed to singlehandedly steer the US economy straight into the ditch.

Frankly, I was outraged. Like all of you were, I am sure.

And like all of you, I was thinking "Sure, its all well and good to shovel out the dough to incompetent ninny CEO's as though free money was going out of style, that's great, but if we're going to bankrupt this country just for the hell of it, where THE FREAKIN HECK IS MY CUT. "

So I was tickled to learn today that the good people in Washington hadn't forgotten about me after all! I take back every mean thing I've ever said about our wise and distinguished lawmakers! Turns out, buried deep in the bailout bill is a provision that sends a little do-re-mi my way, to the tune of twenty dollars a month! I saw this on the TV news, and confirmed it on the Internet*. If it says so on the Internet, you know that it's true.

The provision is worded as though it was some sort of tax credit for those who use bicycles to commute to work, but obviously that's just some fancy rigamarole to disguise the fact that Congress wants to send a little green my way but without everybody else getting jealous. It's not like they could have just written:

BE IT RESOLVED: henceforth Huw shall receive, as an expression of the thanks of a grateful nation, twenty rutabagas on the public dime- on account of him being a pretty ok dude.

without all those other clowns who entertain out-sized opinions of their own awesomeness- Judge Judy, for example- lining up and saying "Hey! Where's my twenty clams?!" But clearly, this little windfall is aimed just at me, I mean, who the hell else in this country rides their bike to work everyday, other than me? Nobody, that's who.

Well now, so with this little unexpected largesse- courtesy of those fine folks in DC- I can afford to stretch out a little now! I think I'll just take those twenty smackers and buy me some gas, and drive to work like a normal person from now on.

*Those of you who are unfamiliar with this "Internet" thing I keep talking about may find it helpful to keep in mind the words of longtime senator from Alaska Ted Stevens: "And again, the Internet is not something that you just dump something on. It's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes."